Yesterday I received a sad phone call from one of my college roommates. The college roommate that she had the year before she lived with me decided to take her own life on Sunday. She is obviously very upset....I can't imagine what I would do if someone called me and said that one of my roommates did that. Even if you haven't seen a roommate for awhile, its someone that you shared a year or more of your everyday life with...that doesn't leave you. Especially when that person is still a treasured friend.
What makes this situation extremely sad is that this girl is married and has a three year old. I had forgotten she had a child. Once my roommate mentioned that, I couldn't stop thinking about that child. What was so bad that you would be willing to abandon your child for the rest of their life? She apparently left a note that said she was "tired of being alone", but her husband had no idea that she was suicidal. Can you imagine your spouse taking their life, and you had no idea that they were even thinking about that? I know I would be angry. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking, "why didn't you SAY something and we could have gotten help for you?!?!"
These things actually made me angry. The thought of leaving her spouse without answers, and leaving her poor child with questions for the rest of its life...why???? What was so bad that she had to ruin the lives of the people she loved most? To make it even worse, her mother is the one who found her body. What is worse for a mother than experiencing the death of your child, especially when you find that child after they took their own life? I know that some of my anger comes from my experience of trying so desperately to have a child...and then hearing that someone just threw away their chance to be a parent for the rest of their lives. Suicide seems like such a selfish act to me. Don't people think about who they are leaving behind? And that the person that finds their body will probably be someone in their family or a close friend?
I didn't know this person very well in college, but she always struck me as a very strong person. One of those don't-mess-with-me girls. She was a good friend to my roommate. She was always very nice to me. Its hard to see why ending her life is worth putting all of these people through so much pain. Its not worth it. Whatever it was, it couldn't have been so bad that making her husband a widower and her child motherless what a better option.
I know its hard for me to understand this because I live with hope--my hope is in Christ. I know that I have to go through hard times in order to get to the good stuff. I understand that. I have confidence that God is in control and things are going to work out the way they are supposed to. Not just the way they are supposed to, but God's best way. I can't imagine living without that hope and that trust. I guess this girl didn't have that, and it makes me sad for her and her family.
Please say a prayer for her family, especially that precious child. That child will have a lot of questions for the rest of its life....why didn't mommy want to stay with me? It absolutely breaks my heart! I don't mean to judge her in writing this blog. I honestly feel sad, and like I said, angry for that husband and that child. Its always a tragedy when these things happen, and its all the more reason to be reaching out to those friends who are going through hard times without the love of Christ to get them through.
About Me
- carriefromkansas
- Texas
- i'm a wife of almost 11 years to Mr. Wonderful, a daughter to parents married for 35 years, a sister to very tall siblings, a loyal friend, a classically trained singer, a recovering perfectionist, a list maker, an avid reader, a "craft bitch", a good cook, a late sleeper, and a frequent consumer of cookies
5 comments:
Carrie,
So sad to hear about your roommate's roommate's suicide. When this happens (and it's bizarre that it does and always has), it's so painful and angering, sad. I will pray for this woman's family.
For whatever reason, my life has been surrounded by suicidal people lately. Someone at church's nephew committed suicide and was just a teen. Another teen relative attempted suicide. One of my neighbours attempted suicide. One of my housemates has been deeply suicidal for four months now. Someone my wife works with is contemplating it, oddly in a somewhat open and frank way, though only with a few trusted friends.
We often ask what someone is thinking when they think about this or do this. One of the insightful things said was when the housemate asked the neighbour how they were doing after the suicide attempt. The neighbour responded "OK, but still there's a lot of pain." My housemate couldn't believe the neighbour had paid and tried to argue. But this person sees his/her own pain. Oddly, my friend could see that it made no sense that someone else would feel so pained as to commit suicide, but couldn't see that same illogic when applying it to him/herself.
All I can conclude from my dealings with it is that these folks AREN'T thinking clearly. They are thinking, it takes some doing to accomplish or attempt what they are attempting, but the mind is not thinking well, it's sick. The housemate said to me yesterday that she/he felt that his/her body was the same as that of a 100-year old. It probably feels that way, but it's clearly not true.
Lord, have mercy.
Absolutely. Depression is a very real disease, one I'm learning about everyday with what I am studying. I guess my horror and grief was the lack of thinking about her child. Its so sad that depression is so consuming that it overshadowed a mother's love for her child, for her husband and the rest of her family. Sadly, in this case, she was on depression medication and in fact used it in her own suicide.
Thanks so much for sharing how this has been affecting your life and what you have been learning. Unfortunately, we will probably all experience this (knowing someone who has committed suicide) at some point in our lives.
Glad to share. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on your blog!
I have yet to know anyone personally who has committed suicide, and I hope that doesn't change soon. It's weird to have so many people going through this now. Many of them are in Vancouver, and winter is a time when depression is stronger, with the dark winter here.
I can see that being a parent could be the sort of thing to push one to suicide and not necessarily away. There is no "pushing through" 15 more years of parenting, not that that was her struggle (I have no idea). But children, wonderful though they are, are relentless and can be tiring. I wish she had seen some other "out" such as leaving the kid with a sitter for a week and getting away (or a month if you had to - it's better than leaving for the rest of their life).
There's an ad I've seen around that encourages parents to get babysitters and go on dates, "because babysitters are cheaper than therapists." Indeed! People need breaks, but often it's hard to ask for them, I guess.
I wonder if she had given thought to how harmful this would be for her child. Maybe not, but even if so, she probably suppressed it or justified it to herself ("my child will be better off without a me around"). I'm amazed at people's ability to see and believe what they want to, even if it's unbelievable to others.
I think just bringing up the subject can be really helpful, as it might allow someone to realize they aren't the only one to think suicidal thoughts and broach the subject. She apparently never did that, which must have left her feeling very lonely indeed.
But you're right that it's so tragic when people feel so depressed yet have lives that so many people in the world would trade for in a second. It's the plague of the affluent and fortunate not to be grateful for the plenty we have.
Sorry for being wordy!
That is heartbreaking. Picturing my 3 hr old wondering when Mommy is coming back is enough to make me cry - I just can't even go there. I went through post pardum depression and I can say I understand that deep, awful feeling of sadness and loneliness that seems like will never end, but I certainly couldn't have hidden it from my husband. It was pretty obvious. I am thankful for that. And about your hair, I don't know - I'll have to study it sometime but I would have said dirty blond at best. Don't think you are a true blonde. Too much brown in there. - Rochelle
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